Its been 2 weeks today since i lost my little girl Lilly. She was 11. Not that old for a Chihuahua really. I found her gasping for air in my bedroom when i got in from work. She was having a heart attack and had to be put to sleep. It broke my heart and changed my world. My flat seems so quiet without her jolly little personality. I think about her all the time and my heart still feels so heavy when i do. I miss my nights in with her when i am not working and we would have a bit of "us" time.
I am not having another dog now. I have lost 3 in 5 years and i cant put myself through that again. There is nothing i would not do to have her back and nothing can compensate me for her loss. Its strange to have the freedom of not needing to be home to care for her (or Sid her dad who died 4 days before her) and to be able to do as i want when i want. I am not sure if its a good feeling really as i enjoy looking after people and my dogs and i think its unhealthy to only have to think about yourself. I am selfish enough. I don't need to get any more so !
I have kept myself really busy of late to stop me thinking about what happened. I start my bedroom revamp on Tuesday which will be a lot of work but worth it ... i hope. I am doing a photo shoot on Monday for Sport Relief aswell as working 4 nights next week so there is a lot to keep me occupied. I still miss her though , Sid too , though i had a long time to accustom myself to him going as he had been ill. Lilly had been fit , or so i thought and it was a huge shock to find her like that and to have to make the choice i did.
I have been acting a bit over emotional since she went. Last night i burst into tears when someone was telling me about their childhood and have let rip at people when i guess i should have kept my thoughts private. Though i do stand by what i have said , as at least it was true and i had the bollox to come out and say what was on my mind !
So if i have seemed odd , or distant or a bit rude of late then please cut me a little slack. I am getting my head around things but it has been harder than i thought it would. She was "only a little dog" but i loved her enormously and miss her like mad. xxx